It is late. I am frustrated by my day and it has become cold, in July. I say this as if it has never happened before and I have to remember that even in the hottest of daytime climates it can become very cold at night as experienced on one later summer stay at a villa at a hill village in the South of France where it was so hot one went into the unheated pool several times around midday to cool off as well as turn on the central heating late into the evening.
There is cause to feel miserable, given events earlier in the week, although the most personally significant was of my own making, and yet I am dissatisfied with myself even more for feeling miserable as I am aware of the condition of millions of human beings compared to my own.
I am also feeling under pressure in terms of competing activity choices and between what needs to be done and what I want to do, and there is also great options between what I want to do as well as what I should.
The house is both clean and in good order because I was planning to be away again on a mini trip and I have this thing that if anything happens while I am away, those coming to the house subsequently should find it is good order. It was therefore this consideration that governed the decision not to go away rather than the fall or the competing new experience activities. I had to attend to the problem of the rain coming in and at the same time attend to other problems which had accumulated over the past couple of years without attention.
My dependence on new experience or reliving past experience in a relaxed and anxiety free state was brought home during those three hours at the General Hospital Accident and Emergency when I had nothing with me, reading material, notebook and pen, phone, phone numbers and addresses and which only compounded the feeling of helplessness and foolishness. It could have all been so much worse if I had been admitted.
All I could do was go over how the fall happened. I had turned around and decided to go out not realising that I was standing at the edge of the step so when I went forward I lost balance and fell forward with some speed and knew I was not going to prevent a fall to the floor, so I put out a hand and prepared for my knees to hit the floor which worked, but the angle and momentum was such that my head went forward over my hand hitting the metal of a display try with force which caused the cut and blood to spurt out. I realised this is what happens in a car if you are not wearing seat belts or in any other moving vehicle which suddenly stops. It was a sobering experience which reminds that one of the test questions which the paramedic asked was had I already been on the alcohol which did not offend me as I am aware of a small fraternity including both sexes who appear to gather at Inns such as Weatherspoons for an alcoholic breakfast when I visited when on my travels for one of their breakfasts with coffee. It brought home the fragility of the human body once again and also that a positive existence depends on self confidence and not dwelling too much on the possibilities of what could happen.
I had listened to a radio programme asking if we were being too anxious about young people, whether from street crime, swimming accidents in the summer or assaults from strangers and same age others. Protection is the first duty of a parent and leave a young person alone in a potentially dangerous situation, or allow them to engage in a potentially dangerous activity and you are open to prosecution either as a parent or as a organiser or minder of young persons. The law is clear and has been clear for close on half a century and this has been right. Young people should appropriate protection for their circumstances. But here is the conundrum. We need these very young people a few year's later to go out and fight and kill for our protection and to provide emergency and other services which require considerable personal risk taking, Failure service, sea and mountain rescue are services which come to mind as well as the police but there are those that require a mental risk, such as taking out a loan or moving to a new job which could risk the welfare of family. How do we jump from being a protection child to being a risk taking adult?
So I decided to aside the answer to such a question and concentrate on practical matters with the priority for the day I was to arrange for someone to come and look at the roof to the bay window. At first I tried a mobile number of a firm used by a neighbour but there was just an answer machine reference, What if they were on holiday so I decided to try the main number and it sounded disconnected. I had had better not wait and went for the directory selecting the first local buildings who had a small add. The firm was out working but would contact on return and did so at lunch arranging to come round in the morning. I also mentioned the old wiring light point where I wanted to fit a florescent fixture and what I hoped was a replacement washer rather than something more substantial. I forgot to mention that the guttering needing clearing of debris. I moved the patio plants to where my car usually stood and this meant parking the car outside managing a space in front of the house during the course of the day. In doing this I noted that the garage door was playing up. It worked but it could be that rain has got into the motor rather than the remote control unit playing up. Can you hear the groan at the prospect of more expense.
I have watched one film over the past few days not previously mentioned, Robert Ryan in the best of the bad men with Robert Ryan the 1951 original. Robert Ryan is an Army major, commanding a post near a town run by a rogue leading citizen with ambitions of taking over the state through the provision of a glorified protection security service in which he controls the judicial system and local government. The Major persuades the infamous Quantrill Raiders made up of the Jessie James gang and the Youngers, on the basis that he could use his authority to pardon them, technically doing so when unknowingly his request for Army discharge has been agreed. The gang leaves town but Ryan is arrested for the killing of henchman who tried to shoot some of the former outlaws before they left town because was technically a civilian. He only escapes the gallows with the help of the "wife" of the mobster and is then rescued by the Quantril Raiders who have found their pardon was not honoured. They then set on robbing as many of the main baddie "protected "businesses as they can but slowly it dawns on Robert Ryan that his obsession has led him to join robbers and killers interested in their own situations and that in reality they are all as bad as each other and therefore a plague on all their houses.
Having met up again with the wife of the main villain, they are forced to flee when they are thought by the majority of the outlaws to be responsible for the gang falling into a trap set in fact by one of their number who had a falling out. The film ends with the hated man killed and Ryan deciding to get the truth recognised and live happily ever after with his female friend. The film was released as a DVD in 1990 and the written notes read so far appear to be about a different film from the one I experienced. It was enjoyable while doing other things.
Having discovered that there is an inexpensive to watch traditional and swing band jazz festival across the river Tyne I kick myself for not having realised this before. However with three one and half hour free concerts on two days over the same weekend. The future approach is to go to the opening event at the Sage on the Thursday night, attend the first day of the actual festival with a day ticket and then take the ferry for the two days of free concert in the open air. Listening to jazz is a very different between a small cellar and or pub or club room, a concert hall or in the open air.
I decide to abandon a mini trip to Oxford with overnight stays booked to break the journey. The loss is £45. However I feel this is a good decision. I have started to have sniffles and the makings of a sore throat so I drink a large Scotch Whisky with ice before bedtime.
I also abandon the internet connections problems I am encountering. I will leave the cricket developments for another day
There is cause to feel miserable, given events earlier in the week, although the most personally significant was of my own making, and yet I am dissatisfied with myself even more for feeling miserable as I am aware of the condition of millions of human beings compared to my own.
I am also feeling under pressure in terms of competing activity choices and between what needs to be done and what I want to do, and there is also great options between what I want to do as well as what I should.
The house is both clean and in good order because I was planning to be away again on a mini trip and I have this thing that if anything happens while I am away, those coming to the house subsequently should find it is good order. It was therefore this consideration that governed the decision not to go away rather than the fall or the competing new experience activities. I had to attend to the problem of the rain coming in and at the same time attend to other problems which had accumulated over the past couple of years without attention.
My dependence on new experience or reliving past experience in a relaxed and anxiety free state was brought home during those three hours at the General Hospital Accident and Emergency when I had nothing with me, reading material, notebook and pen, phone, phone numbers and addresses and which only compounded the feeling of helplessness and foolishness. It could have all been so much worse if I had been admitted.
All I could do was go over how the fall happened. I had turned around and decided to go out not realising that I was standing at the edge of the step so when I went forward I lost balance and fell forward with some speed and knew I was not going to prevent a fall to the floor, so I put out a hand and prepared for my knees to hit the floor which worked, but the angle and momentum was such that my head went forward over my hand hitting the metal of a display try with force which caused the cut and blood to spurt out. I realised this is what happens in a car if you are not wearing seat belts or in any other moving vehicle which suddenly stops. It was a sobering experience which reminds that one of the test questions which the paramedic asked was had I already been on the alcohol which did not offend me as I am aware of a small fraternity including both sexes who appear to gather at Inns such as Weatherspoons for an alcoholic breakfast when I visited when on my travels for one of their breakfasts with coffee. It brought home the fragility of the human body once again and also that a positive existence depends on self confidence and not dwelling too much on the possibilities of what could happen.
I had listened to a radio programme asking if we were being too anxious about young people, whether from street crime, swimming accidents in the summer or assaults from strangers and same age others. Protection is the first duty of a parent and leave a young person alone in a potentially dangerous situation, or allow them to engage in a potentially dangerous activity and you are open to prosecution either as a parent or as a organiser or minder of young persons. The law is clear and has been clear for close on half a century and this has been right. Young people should appropriate protection for their circumstances. But here is the conundrum. We need these very young people a few year's later to go out and fight and kill for our protection and to provide emergency and other services which require considerable personal risk taking, Failure service, sea and mountain rescue are services which come to mind as well as the police but there are those that require a mental risk, such as taking out a loan or moving to a new job which could risk the welfare of family. How do we jump from being a protection child to being a risk taking adult?
So I decided to aside the answer to such a question and concentrate on practical matters with the priority for the day I was to arrange for someone to come and look at the roof to the bay window. At first I tried a mobile number of a firm used by a neighbour but there was just an answer machine reference, What if they were on holiday so I decided to try the main number and it sounded disconnected. I had had better not wait and went for the directory selecting the first local buildings who had a small add. The firm was out working but would contact on return and did so at lunch arranging to come round in the morning. I also mentioned the old wiring light point where I wanted to fit a florescent fixture and what I hoped was a replacement washer rather than something more substantial. I forgot to mention that the guttering needing clearing of debris. I moved the patio plants to where my car usually stood and this meant parking the car outside managing a space in front of the house during the course of the day. In doing this I noted that the garage door was playing up. It worked but it could be that rain has got into the motor rather than the remote control unit playing up. Can you hear the groan at the prospect of more expense.
I have watched one film over the past few days not previously mentioned, Robert Ryan in the best of the bad men with Robert Ryan the 1951 original. Robert Ryan is an Army major, commanding a post near a town run by a rogue leading citizen with ambitions of taking over the state through the provision of a glorified protection security service in which he controls the judicial system and local government. The Major persuades the infamous Quantrill Raiders made up of the Jessie James gang and the Youngers, on the basis that he could use his authority to pardon them, technically doing so when unknowingly his request for Army discharge has been agreed. The gang leaves town but Ryan is arrested for the killing of henchman who tried to shoot some of the former outlaws before they left town because was technically a civilian. He only escapes the gallows with the help of the "wife" of the mobster and is then rescued by the Quantril Raiders who have found their pardon was not honoured. They then set on robbing as many of the main baddie "protected "businesses as they can but slowly it dawns on Robert Ryan that his obsession has led him to join robbers and killers interested in their own situations and that in reality they are all as bad as each other and therefore a plague on all their houses.
Having met up again with the wife of the main villain, they are forced to flee when they are thought by the majority of the outlaws to be responsible for the gang falling into a trap set in fact by one of their number who had a falling out. The film ends with the hated man killed and Ryan deciding to get the truth recognised and live happily ever after with his female friend. The film was released as a DVD in 1990 and the written notes read so far appear to be about a different film from the one I experienced. It was enjoyable while doing other things.
Having discovered that there is an inexpensive to watch traditional and swing band jazz festival across the river Tyne I kick myself for not having realised this before. However with three one and half hour free concerts on two days over the same weekend. The future approach is to go to the opening event at the Sage on the Thursday night, attend the first day of the actual festival with a day ticket and then take the ferry for the two days of free concert in the open air. Listening to jazz is a very different between a small cellar and or pub or club room, a concert hall or in the open air.
I decide to abandon a mini trip to Oxford with overnight stays booked to break the journey. The loss is £45. However I feel this is a good decision. I have started to have sniffles and the makings of a sore throat so I drink a large Scotch Whisky with ice before bedtime.
I also abandon the internet connections problems I am encountering. I will leave the cricket developments for another day
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